"You lied to me for the first time today. You had just asked mom for candy in our bathroom. I heard her say no. You came out to the kitchen and asked me. “What did mom say, bud?” (Me, trying to present a united front and reinforce mom’s authority in your life…which you have a hard time with) “She said, yes!” I stopped what I was doing and looked you in the face. “That’s not what she said. She said no. Otherwise you wouldn’t be asking me!” I could barely contain my amusement but I had to look at you with a straight face because you are agg’d on by amusement. I’m simply amazed by you. Most children don’t learn how to lie – that is to attempt to twist the fabric of reality through speech in order to manipulate situations to get what they want – until late year three or early year four. You are still not even three yet and there you are – knowing what you want and knowingly presenting a falsehood in order to get it. It’s remarkable, really. Bennett, I am continually amazed at your prodigious mind, your kinesthetic intelligence, and your genuinely entertaining spirit. You used to stutter pretty terribly. Not because of an impediment, but because you could tell your brain was struggling to put your very sophisticated thoughts together with your limited ability to articulate yourself. Like the filter of your thoughts in the form of language was too immature to house the length and power of your own mind, yet. You’re growing out of it. We have been patient and actively helped you take a breath, focus, and then speak your mind. I’m so proud when you open your mouth. May truth and goodness and encouragement be on your lips always. I’m also continually amused and challenged by your stubbornness. We have had multiple fights over food and it’s finally paying off. I have used everything I can think of to help you come around, and thankfully you are eating very well. Not so picky anymore and not actively asserting yourself via gagging and even throwing up your food. It takes patience, a steady and consistent policy (ie, you WILL eat whats for dinner and I will sit with you and insist until I am satisfied that you are not going hungry and that my point has been made), and lots of time. I used to get you milk when you first woke up…but when the food thing got really bad you started fighting me on your eggs. You wouldn’t touch them and would cry when I made you take a bite. It took 30minutes to finish breakfast (though you were happy to gobble up cereal and raspberries, I was not going to let you try to subsist on sweets and junk – despite your insistence that “I want to eat junk, dad”). So, I withheld the milk. You woke up to nothing and I let you get nice and hungry so that when breakfast came around (and I promised you your 8oz. of milk after) you gobbled your eggs down in 2minutes. No complaining. That was more like it. See, fatherhood is a lot like that. Constantly learning lessons about how to parent based on how your kids do or don’t respond. Love is like that. We don’t give you everything you want. We give you what we believe will bring out the best in you. We encourage the best in you and resist your attempts to manifest your worst while trying to direct your energies positively and productively. It’s really hard but very rewarding. That said, when I parent you I often wonder what disservice I committed upon your brother in similar situations. I was younger, more forceful, less patient, and less involved in the everyday happenings of your older brother’s life at your age. I hate that for him and sometimes see things in his behavior and character that make me question whether those negatives are my fault. At times I am inclined to smile on you with favor (don’t worry, I’m equally annoyed at you the other half of the time…lol…you’re definitely not a little angel). But in those moments where I catch myself favoring you, I wonder if I’m just recognizing my own growth as a father – thusly it would be unjust to compare you and your brother at this age and use that as some compass of moral superiority of one over the other. I think of Joseph in Genesis. He was his father’s favorite…but his father went through 10 other boys before he had the chance to father Joseph. Was there something special about Joseph that made him the favorite of Israel? Or was it Israel’s growth as a father that yielded such a son? Jesse sired many awesome and handsome men, but it was the youngest one – David – in 1st Samuel that had what it took to be the king of Israel – a man after God’s own heart. A recent study showed that the fitter a mouse was when his children were conceived, the fitter those children were. The epigenetic changes were passed through the father mouse’s gene methylation and the mitochondria of the progeny were different in fitness than when deconditioned fathers sired their children. In other words, there is a biological basis for the growth of a father and the “jumpstart” his children receive because of it. Thankfully, I was in excellent shape for both you and your brother so neither of you have an advantage. But mitochondria is not the only thing I am affecting in you right now. My prayer is that despite your birth order, that God makes His face to shine down on both you and Gabriel and that you stick together in spirit. You both have something that the other will need time and again. Gabriel has enthusiasm that is enduring…a zest for life that can lift up even the sourest mood. You’ll need that from him as you can be that excited and happy too, but it’s not an ALWAYS thing for you. When you get broody, make sure you reach out to him. In the end, it was the line of Judah…not the oldest or the youngest…that yielded Jesus Christ to the tribes of Israel. Your combined spirits will manifest the BEST in the world. May that be so. Keep growing, little buddy. I’m so proud of you. Love, Dad" From Letters To My Sons 1/20/2022

Posted by Coach Alex VanHouten at 2022-04-01 10:08:20 UTC